I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
