Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
