so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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