Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
