He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
