shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
