every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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