if i died would you start the facebook group?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
