My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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