1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
