My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
