im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm really busy with my period
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