he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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