You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
