I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
