then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
