I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
