I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
