Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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