Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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