before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
