Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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