She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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