I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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