remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
