when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
