We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
