GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm both gender and math confused
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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