Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
