A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
