Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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