...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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