at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
