it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
