I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
