she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
