My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
