just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
