So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
