my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
