hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
