he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is my gift to your gina
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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