We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
