oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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