I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
