I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
