My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
