I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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