You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
