there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
