you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
