K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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