Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
