If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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