hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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