Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do vagina's smell?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
