ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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