he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
