his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
