Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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