So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
