Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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