I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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