dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
