Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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