my vag is so smooth its legendary
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
