just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
