there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
