i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
where are my eyebrows?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
