note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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