apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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