i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
