Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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