There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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