Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
